College-Aged Service Visit

This Sunday (April 27th) I finally got a ride, with Josh, to visit Franklin Road Baptist Church in Murfreesboro, Tennessee. From reading their website over the course of the last month and having some conversation over email with the youth pastor, Joel Norris, I got the impression that the church really makes an effort to connect with the community that they are in.That impression was not wrong. From the moment we pulled into the parking lot I could tell that this was a place that made an effort to welcome all the new guests. The front parking spaces were for handicapped and guests and they were specifically marked.The building and people were more formal and traditional than I am used to, but that was what I was told to expect in the email conversation with Joel. I was somewhat prepared but it was still a pretty new thing to me. When we walked in, whether because they did not recognize our faces or because we came from the direction of the guest parking, we were welcomed and asked if we were guests. We were directed towards a lady who took us to the appropriate room for the 10:00 college/ carrier/ young singles service. She introduced us and the youth pastor, whom I had email conversations with, remembered who I was and invited us to sit by his wife.We were given cards to fill out our contact information and were told that they would call us sometime this week to follow up and check on us.  

The service started with a song, there were no instruments and one college senior was standing at the front on the room leading us in a song. The problem was that I had never heard of the song that we were singing. I stood there awkwardly until I got enough of the song to join in a little the second go around. We had prayer requests and prayer time then sang a second time. This time there were words on the projector and I knew the song from church in Colorado. It bothered me though, that they would put so much effort into welcoming directing and introducing guests that they wouldn't put in the little effort to copy and paste lyrics to all of the songs on the slides they already had going. It may seem like a minor thing but it makes a huge difference in how well you feel you are fitting into the group. Sitting there while everyone knows the words to a song by heart makes you feel out of place and ignorant when you are in a new unusual place.Granted, it's really hard to see how strange things are from a new person's standpoint without asking them so it is definitely a forgivable thing, especially with all the other things they do for guests.

The teaching was in a series of common things young adult Christians ask about the faith. Today's service was on prayer. I have sat through teachings on prayer many many times in my life but I still liked what Joel had to say. He gave the acronym for pray (praise repent ask yield) and talked about asking fervently, almost to the point of annoying, for things we really want or need from god. What I really liked about this particular service is that he emphasized the relationship and human aspect to prayer. He gave us the formula/ acronym as a basis for our prayers to pay him proper respect and to make sure we were REALLY thinking about our life and communicating not just going through the motions or asking for something and expecting it to be handed to us on a silver platter. He talked about God as primarily a friend. He made the analogy that you would not just go up to a friend and ask them for something then not talk to them for a month. You have a real relationship with your friends and you go through life with them, just as you should with God. I think that is the most important thing to emphasize in a sermon about communication with God.  

After the sermon was over, Joel pointed at Josh and I and told everyone to introduce themselves and get to know us if they wanted to. Five or six people did and we ended up staying and talking for a little while before leaving. The men at the front door talked to us again making sure we got to where we needed to go okay. I thanked them and told them we would be back next week.  We did not get to go to the main service at 11 because Josh had to go to work, so I have not experienced the entire service yet but it seems like a good church with a good handle on how to reach out to people. 

Done Visiting

It has been many weeks since our last post.  This is probably for a couple of reasons.  The first is simple – it was exhausting to keep up the visiting and blogging.  For a family that has always had a strong sense of belonging and ownership in their local church, the “thrill” of visiting a different church every week wore off really quickly.  We learned a lot about churches, Middle Tennessee church culture, and about ourselves.  We are grateful to the churches that welcomed us, and will forever hold a grudge against those who did not.  Something about shaking the dust from our sandals – it’s quite biblical. 

The other reason the blogging ceased is because we realized just how much we missed Discovery.  You might say we were/are grieving for a very real loss.  The intent here is not to cause guilt or to want others to feel sorry for us.  Simply, it would not be honest to go any further without addressing this fact.  The closer we come to feeling like we have to make a decision about choosing a new church, and beginning the process of getting involved, the harder we seem to struggle against it.  We miss Discovery.  Nothing else measures up – not even close!  

To avoid getting trapped in self-pity and “homesickness” it would be far more productive to pause and express our increasing amazement for what God has accomplished in bringing Discovery Church to where it is today.  It is easy to miss this when you are caught up in the day-to-day workings of a church.  You see the blemishes and struggle to figure out the things you want to improve or fix.  What we are realizing from this new vantage point, is just how special a place Discovery is.  From welcoming skeptics to building orphanages; building a barn to becoming a community; battling negative neighbors and learning to neighbor – Discovery is an extraordinary extension of the Kingdom of God on Earth.  We know it is not the only place like this, but it is the only one we know personally - and we love it deeply.  We thank God for all of you who have given of yourselves to be a part of this story.  We are honored and humbled to have served with you, wept with you and rejoiced with you.  Thank you Discovery!

In spite of a very real temptation to sneak into the furthest row of the largest church we could find and bask in the glory days of Colorado, we have actually been attending a small, nine-year old church plant quite regularly for the past month.  It is the church that welcomed us in V2.  To be honest, at times moving forward feels a little like moving backward.  It has been hard to think about re-engaging.  It has been difficult to adopt a new family that seems smaller, needier, slower, and unfamiliar.  We want to.  We feel as if we need to.  Lately we have had conversations that hint at excitement over the challenges facing this church we are getting to know.  Maybe there is a passion for reaching, growing, serving and connecting that can transfer from one place to another. We do know this – we are not good at being guests.  We only seem to know how to belong, or at least want to belong.  We could probably blame Discovery for that.

We sense your prayers and appreciate them, and you.  We have met some very fine people here.  We continue to move toward God, toward community, toward involvement.  There are glimpses of purpose.  There are a ton of questions.  Some that cannot be asked.  Some that we know will never be answered (at least to our satisfaction).  In our past, we have counseled others in our smug wisdom that there is no perfect church.  That sometimes people just need to suck it up and stay engaged.  Stop asking what the church can do for you –and start asking what you can do for the church.  We suspect that God is having a little chuckle at our expense these days. 

Keep praying and stay tuned.  We intend to inflict ourselves upon this unsuspecting church very soon.  They might get tired of hearing about Discovery when we do.

V5 - Familiar Ground

We could not resist - it is in our DNA - we had to visit a church that meets in a school!

We arrive a little late, and came in through the wrong door because we were in a hurry, and there was no signage or people to direct us.  A lady did greet us at the door, and quickly directed us to the main lobby.  We were handed off to another woman who asked us some questions, gave us some information, handed us a welcome packet and then asked what church we had come from in Denver.

We were not wearing church shirts or carrying Bibles, but somehow we either looked obviously "churched", or this particular greeter did not have very high expectations of meeting an "unchurched" person in their rented school lobby.  We had reviewed the church's website, and their mission included language about reaching unchurched people, but it must have been a safe bet to not expect any on Labor Day weekend.  We were then "branded" a visitor by being given a box with cookies in it and a green "welcome pack" folder to carry around.  We felt conspicuous.  

We were also informed that this was "family Sunday" - no children's programs, everybody was together in the main service going on that very minute in the cafe/audi/gymnasium.  As we went through the door we were immediately flashing back to Aspen Creek K-8 - tile floors, metal folding chairs, and a high ceiling.  At least the room was not round.  There were kids everywhere.

The family service consisted of music, communion service, a message (complete with interactive children's ministry participation) and a skit.  Let's just say it was a long morning.  I hesitate to offer too much more on the service since I am sure that there were a lot of key people missing for a holiday weekend.  I am going to offer a general observation and leave V5 with much benefit of the doubt.

There have been occasions in Discovery's history that we have held the "family service" - sometimes strategically, and sometimes just to cover a morning without having the resources to staff a full children's program.  I am not critiquing the model, sometimes it is what you need to do.  However, having now experienced this as a visitor, it was truly an uncomfortable experience.  These are the points that we felt discomfort at V5's family service:

• We did not have kids.  Seems simple, but it was really our first time experiencing this particular awkwardness.  Even as our kids got older, we were involved in Discovery's children's ministry and have a lot of special connections to kids and families in the church.  Other than the universal cuteness factor of observing kids in this setting, we felt very out of place as a visitor without kids.
• The chaos overwhelmed the experience at times.  There were some parents who truly looked like they were enjoying having their family with them in the service.  Others look frazzled, and it felt awkward to watch some of those parents struggle to manage their kids throughout the service.  Or not manage - as we witnessed one small child almost wrestle the worship leader's guitar off its stand and onto the floor in a brief moment of mayhem, while the parent struggled to figure out if they were allowed onto the stage to retrieve the child.  
• It felt desperate - not strategic.  We get it, sometimes it is all you can do to get set up and packed up on a holiday weekend in a portable setting.  Better planning, a more thoughtful approach to how the kids could participate in the service, and more hands to direct and supervise would have all helped.  Bottom line - even if you are desperate, do something strategically.  

We left pretty quickly after the service was over.  Nobody seemed to notice - even with our cookie box and green folder.  They were busy tearing down and keeping track of their children. 

Sorry - it probably seems harsh, especially coming from people who were once so involved in children's ministry - in a portable church setting.  Thank God that there were people who visited us and were still willing to give us the benefit of the doubt.  

V4 - mega surprise

V4 was my toughest decision so far.  I wanted to make sure that we experienced a large church, geared toward an unchurched/dechurched audience.  I relied exclusively on web presences (web site, facebook) to locate this church, from among several who would fit the basic description.  This particular church has several campuses in the metro area, including an "online" campus.  We chose a physical location, rather than a virtual one.  This location had four different Sunday service times to choose from (including a 5:30 PM option) - we chose 12:00 (Noon). 

There was a line of traffic entering/exiting the parking area when we arrive a few minutes before the service was to begin.  The parking lot staff and greeters provided a very efficient and friendly experience from the time we entered the parking lot until we reached the front door.  Unlike our experience at V1, we had no trouble feeling like we belonged here, and that we were part of some exciting event about to take place. 

The V4 church meets in what must have been a warehouse - the lobby and auditorium spaces were basic, functional and had very high ceilings.  There was floor seating and stadium-style seating areas.  The music was loud, but very professional.  The songs were familiar ones to us.

The most surprising thing to us was the use of video in the service.  Of course, the whole service is being projected live from two cameras.  At first, it was a little distracting for me (a little too much metro-worship leader for my taste - see http://www.jonacuff.com/stuffchristianslike/2008/06/269-understanding-how-metrosexual-your-worship-leader-is-a-handy-guide/).  However, during the message the speaker had a large, flat-screen monitor on a wheeled stand beside him and he interacted with it (reading scripture, key points, etc.) and it really worked.  It made me feel less conscious about the video, and seemed to blur the line between the live and the virtual all being in the same space.  This probably sounds kooky, but I know what I saw (or at least I think I know...). 

No communion - that was a bummer.  I know the logistics of bread and wine for thousands in a highly scripted, tightly scheduled event would be daunting, but without it I felt like I was missing something.  If Jesus could figure out 5000 men (plus women/children) in the wilderness - I'm sure his tech savvy, modern day church could figure out a little bread and juice to remember Him by.  I suspect that V4 is a generically named by-product of a traditional denomination that is not in the habit of observing the Lord's Supper on a weekly basis.  I insert here a shameless plug for the Sacrament of Communion and think that it has more to offer church goers in this post-modern era than almost anything else we can do together on a Sunday morning.  (I sense a follow up post coming on this topic)

Look for another follow up post on the overwhelmingly popular topic of Nashville churches in August - serving.  For the last three weeks it is all we have heard about, in three different places.  We have heard the good, bad and ugly on serving - and have a few observations to share. 

The surprise of the mega church experience was how easy it was to feel welcomed and accepted.  There was a sense of energy and excitement to be a part of a large crowd worshipping, listening and praying together.  The general demographic was young (younger than us at any rate), seriously - really young.  We found this encouraging.  The message of grace, of acceptance, of service and sacrifice was delivered in an engaging and challenging way to a younger generation of believers, seekers and skeptics all in one place.  There was a real sense of "belonging", that resonated with us.  It was a good place to be on this Sunday.

Visit 3 - evening church

V3 (going forward each week's experience will be referred to with a "V" and the week number) took us to a different part of town, at a different time of day.  We found V3 church through a drive by.  Rachel and Bethany were out shopping and saw a vinyl sign at a large, traditional church building - advertising a church meeting there with a hip, artistic feel.  A web search shed a little more light on this church and we decided to make a visit.  It felt a little weird to wait until the evening to attend church, but there was something positive about wrapping up a weekend with a time of worship and fellowship.  I know this is something we have discussed at Discovery as an alternative time, and we have already noticed several churches in Nashville using this time slot.  From our limited experience, it is worth considering. 

We arrived a few minutes early for V3 and followed signs to the location in the church building where the service was taking place.  The church had done a nice job of transforming a gym/fellowship area space into a "holy place" with pipe and drape and lighting.  Our experience in transforming spaces gave us a real appreciation for the work and thought put into this.  It totally worked.  We were greeted briefly by a few different people, but the initial greetings were somewhat subdued, in keeping with a more contemplative atmosphere. 

Once again, the Music City lived up to expectations with another very talented worship band.  This group featured a guest musician and songwriter who had composed some music that V3 church uses regularly in their services. The musical selections provided a nice balance of upbeat and reflective songs.  We were greeted by a staff member from the stage, offering the Peace of Christ.  This was followed by a moment where we were instructed to greet others around us with the Peace of Christ. 

The message that followed was brought by one of the staff members and was a homily on the episode in the life of Jesus where he washed the disciples feet.  The emphasis was on Christ's expression of love through this humble act of service.  The challenge to the listener was to find ways to express the love of Christ through service in local and global community.  It was a sharp contrast in tone, content and "grace factor" to the messages delivered in V1 and V2 churches.  Maybe (borderline) too polite. 

At the conclusion, the service transitioned to a time of communion, which included an opportunity to wash one another's hands (you thought it was going to be feet, didn't you?).  The moment hit us hard because after two weeks of quick-pass "chicklet" communion experiences, V3 does it right (meaning, of course, intinction - http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intinction).  The tears in our eyes were part gratitude for Christ's incredible gift, and part homesickness for Discovery. 

When the service dismissed we were greeted by several people, including several staff members.  They welcomed us to the area warmly, and were passionate about their church.  There was another new couple who sat directly behind us - young, professional-looking.  I spoke to them during the "Peace of Christ" moment, and found out they had recently relocated from Texas.  They left quickly after the service, and looked a little uncomfortable or overwhelmed.  (I am planning a follow up post on the topic of greeting people who look uncomfortable.)  We left feeling renewed by having been there - not a bad way to wrap up a weekend.      

Visit 2 - Could not be more different...

After Visit 1, we were anxious to see if that experience would be the norm, or if our following church visits would be better or worse... 

Visit 2 started with another overflowing parking lot.  This church’s facility was much smaller and every space near the entrance was parked up.  We found a spot in a parking area in back of the building, and walked toward the front.  I know that we had many conversations at Discovery over the years about the fact that visitors tend to arrive early, and that staff, leadership and key volunteers should park further away so that we leave premium spots near the building for guests.  Our experiences so far have confirmed that visitors do arrive early, and that they are uncomfortable when they have to figure out where to park. 

Unlike Visit 1, we were greeted warmly and efficiently by a woman at the door.  We quickly had an explanation of what was happening that morning, and were asked to fill out a card.  We will accumulate more data points to evaluate, but my hunch is that this is the optimal greeter profile –  a woman “in the know” (i.e.- staff member or key volunteer highly vested in the church). 

Another observation – people visit churches in the summer. In fact, there may be a higher percentage of visitors in the summer months because that is a common season for people to be in transition.  We heard apologies today for some programming not being in session because “we take a little break during the summer”.  I can remember offering the same apologies to people during summer months at Discovery. I don’t think visitors mind that things are scaled back in summer, but it was uncomfortable to hear someone apologize for it.  Avoid apologizing.  Giving volunteers a “well-deserved break” is understandable, even admirable in a world that is increasingly interested in work/life/balance issues.  Have a clear plan and time frame for “regularly scheduled” programming to resume (i.e. make the well-deserved break appear strategic and not the collapse of all volunteer programs).  Invite visitors to return and experience the full spectrum of ministry the church is offering.

The band kicked off with a tight cover of Mister Mister’s “Kyrie”.  (Got my attention)   It looked and sounded like a .38 Special reunion tour (also had my attention thinking – “looks like a bunch of old guys up there”, until I realized I would fit right in the age demographic), playing hits from yesterday and today.  The sermon was truncated due to the ministry fair activities.  The text was John 3.  There was a strong application regarding personal evangelism and salvation.  The service closed with communion.  For a second week in a row we had to figure out the protocol – pass and take?  Pass and hold?  What do you do with the cup?  This time we were sitting close to the front and had fewer people to watch and see how they did it.  The communion service was “presided over” by a church leader with scripture read and prayer offered.

We met the pastor (no parlor at this church). After the service he sought us out and greeted us warmly.  He promised a follow up email; however, we did not provide an email address on the card we filled out.  We did receive a “welcome letter” mid week. 

The biggest distinction between Visit 1 and Visit 2 was size.  Visit 1 church was larger, and it was easier for us to move undetected.  Visit 2 church was smaller, and our presence was obvious.  People were excited to have visitors, and were even somewhat disappointed that we were already churched.   In fact, our greeter got a bit nervous when she found out we were from a Christian Church background.  More apologies followed – none were necessary. 

More to come on Bethany’s visit to the youth group meeting, Friend Day “contract”, and "over-emphasis" on the written word.  

Friendly Contract. Oxymoron?

Visit 2 Church is planning a “Friend Day” event as part of their fall kick off.  Apparently this is an annual event, and the pastor spent a good bit of time promoting the Friend Day during the service.  During the promotion, he explained that this year’s event would have a new feature – a Friend “Contract”.  The church was going to provide all of the members/regular attenders with copies of this contract that were to be used to sign people up to attend the Friend Day service.  It was described as a tool you could use to get commitments from friends, co-workers, family members, etc.  that they will promise to attend Friend Day at Visit 2 church. 

Our initial reaction was that we must have misunderstood what the “contract” was for.  The explanation continued and left no doubt – the signed contracts would be posted at the church prior to, and in preparation for, Friend Day.  We found this really troubling; especially in light of the comment made to us that visit 2 church really wants to reach “unchurched” people. 

Friend Day is certainly not a new idea, the origins can be traced to the ministry of Jesus, as people he encountered enthusiastically wanted to introduce their friends to Him.  In the 1980’s an author named Elmer Towns created a Friend Day program and offered the idea, complete with resource kit, for local churches to use.  A quick visit to Church Growth Institute’s website (www.churchgrowth.org) provided a sample of a “Friendly Contract”.   (To illustrate the “cutting edge” nature of this program - the material was last updated in 1994, to provide it on CD’s instead of audio cassette tapes and printed documents). 

The basic problem here is the word “contract” does not seem friendly, or imply friendship.  In John 1, there is no mention of Andrew or Philip utilizing a friend contract to get Simon or Nathaniel introduced to Jesus.  The contract appears to be a tool, in this setting, to provide accountability for church members to participate - a way to quantify buy-in on the evangelistic premise of Friend Day.  More Friend Contracts on display equals more people who take the growth of the church and the kingdom seriously.   It seems that we could find a better way to measure “buy-in”. 

At Discovery, we have historically attempted to accomplish this through the use of stories, as opposed to over-reliance on statistical measures. Providing opportunities for people to share the stories of friends invited, even the ones that do not come (who would never sign a contract).  Part of the reason for evangelistic initiatives is for the growth of the inviters – not just the assimilation of the invitees.  I am sure that Philip shared the story of Nathanial’s first encounter with Jesus many times over – we know that John did.